Decisions of the Heart
by Usako4life
Summary: Listening to his dreams, Darien breaks up with Serena, leaving two hearts shattered in the process. Now, they each have to make a decision on whether to keep fighting, or to give up the ones they love.
1. Prologue To Love

Authors Notes: Oh My God!!! This is my first fanfic ever and I'm VERY NERVOUS!!! I've read Sailor Moon stories for an entire year and never wrote one of my own!!!! But obviously now I have.   
  
First I wanna thank Lisa for editing my stories!!!! *bows down to Lisa* All of you better read her stories because *I* think she is the best writer to walk this Earth and the Moon. She has 32 stories so after reading mine, run along and get some good reading. Her FF.net name is Lisa4. Her stories include Bonded By love, Roses, and Innocense.. Oh and Angel in the Snow.  
  
Next, I wanna say that this story will get better I promise!!! Darien broke up with Serena. To love or not love that is the question!! Please review, it'll make me feel extra good. I'll update ASAP!!! Well enough of my blah blah blah, on with the story!  
  
Disclaimer: I have never, nor will ever own Sailor Moon. But one can continue to dream such things..... right? *ponders*  
  
Decisions of the Heart  
  
Prologue  
  
To forget the one you love.  
  
Is it harder to continue loving him or to try and forget? Why do I continue to love him? 'Damn it, Serena get it through your thick skull. Darien doesn't love you, he never did!'   
  
To forget.  
  
To forget and move on.  
  
To realize Fate has other things in store.   
  
But why? Why did Destiny bring him into my life once more, only to later decide to inform me that me and him were never meant to be? To inform poor, gullible Serena that he was never hers...?  
  
To have and then to lose.   
  
Ripped apart by the hands of Destiny.  
  
Destiny....The thing that writes our lives out for us.   
  
Do I truly get to decide what happens with my life? Or is that another decision made by Fate, made by Destiny? Oh God, what was truly meant to be for ME?  
  
I need to love. I need to be loved. But not just loved by anyone, I need to be loved by him.   
  
Damn it.  
  
Damn the decisions the heart makes.   
  
The decision to love one that will never love you back.  
  
To feel or to feel nothing?  
  
What is worse? What is better?  
  
I'm so confused. I haven't let myself care. Haven't let myself feel...feel what I truly need to feel. Why do I love him? It's a question I often ask myself. I seem to have forgotten. But the fact remains that I still love him. I miss him. I miss the man that continues to hurt me in his little ways, the ways that he continues to be clueless about.   
  
To love.  
  
To love and hurt.  
  
Or to never love again?  
  
That's all for now. Please click the little Review button on the bottom and I will love you forever!!! Any comments, you can also email me at: SilverRose07@aol.com.  
  
~Belle~ 


	2. Lies Bitter Lies

Author's Notes: Ok, here goes another chapter. I know what you will all say. Why is this story being so depressing. Well, I'm trying to get Serena's feelings in check. Darien broke up with Serena because of the dreams he was having. Serena is beginning to doubt if he ever even loved her to begin with. But I *promise* after this chapter it will get way better.  
  
Didn't I promise that in my last chapter??? I think so... Well, this time it's true. I'm gonna try and update as soon as possible but I don't have much inspiration.  AND I just started High School so yeah. I will continue to thank Lisa for putting up with my bad writing and making sure everything is alright for ya'll to read it. ^_^  
  
Well, without further blah blah, I present to you Chapter 1.   
  
Disclaimer: I have never nor will ever own Sailor Moon. It is owned by someone far smarter and richer than I. All I can do is bow down to her power.  
  
Decisions of the Heart  
  
Chapter 1  
  
Author: ~Belle~  
  
       He had said he loved her. He had said she was his everything. Oh, but she could see through those bitter lies now. Lies. So many damn lies.  
  
       Why had she believed? How could she have been so blind? No one could love her. It was impossible for anyone to love such a ditzy, ugly, stupid girl like her.  Not even Darien could love her.  
  
        
  
        She had thought she had changed him. She had thought she had finally broke through the cold wall surrounding his heart. But it was all lies. All lies. He had stolen her heart, and then returned it all torn up.   
  
      Why did it hurt so much? Why did she feel like she had nothing left to live for? How could it be, that the love she had once seen in his eyes was fake? How could it be? It was so difficult for her to understand it. He just ended it, just like that. He brushed her aside as if she were any common human being. All love from this and a millennium ago forgotten.   
  
      Could she continue to believe in love? He had not even given her a reason. A simple, "Serena, I don't love you" had been enough for him. Oh wait, but an "I'm sorry" had been added in.  
  
      "Serena, I don't love you. I'm sorry."  
  
      That's all she had received from him that fine morning. Was that all she was worth to him? Two sentences. She wasn't even worth the time. He couldn't even give her two WHOLE minutes. It had taken him about one and a half minutes to break her heart into a million pieces. She would laugh if she weren't hurting so much inside.   
  
      How damn dumb had she been? She had believed all the lies. She had blushed at his endearing terms for her. She had blushed at all his, "I love yous". How pathetic she had been. He had been playing with her all along. He must've silently laughed at the easiness of fooling her young heart. She was young, too young to feel the pain of lost love. Too young to be silently rocking herself back and forth to calm the ache in her heart. She was so young.  
  
      But it seemed Destiny didn't think she was too young. For Destiny had thrust so many things into her life in so little time, that if anyone could see deep enough into her soul they would see the mess she was inside. Destiny had thrown so many things. It had all begun by her becoming Sailor Moon. As if *that* hadn't been enough. Then she had been revealed the 'oh so wonderful' information of being the Moon Princess. She had watched the love of her life, Darien Chiba, also known as Prince Darien, also known as Tuxedo Mask, turned evil by the Negaverse.   
  
      She had fought him, but all the while loving him. She watched him attempt to destroy her over and over again. And finally she had watched him die in her arms. But she had died short afterwards as well. A part of her still wished she had remained dead. But wishes often do not come true, for Destiny sure loved to play with her. It had brought her back to life. It had granted her wish of being a 'normal' teenager. HA! That sure didn't last long. For evil came once more and the role of Sailor Moon was called on once again. Sailor Moon, Champion of Love and Justice. How ironic was that?  
  
      Darien hadn't even remembered who she was. To her he had just been plain old Meatball Head. A LONG TIME afterward, he had regained his memory and she was fooled into believing there would finally be a happy ending. But for Serena Tsukino, there would NEVER be a happy ending. And so here she was, in a corner of her room trying to stiffen the sobs that threatened to spill any minute now. She was grateful she had sent her 'oh so very faithful' cat Luna to spend the night with Amy. She didn't want anyone to witness the pathetic display of weakness she was in. Everyone thought her too fragile, and she strived daily to prove them wrong. She lied to them and she lied to herself, for she knew she was weak. She was weak both physically and emotionally. But the lies kept her going. She grasped on to the lies hoping that one day she could be the person they wanted her to be. For them and for herself.   
  
      Darien leaving her had only shown her how she could never be the person they deserved to have. She would never be the princess he had wanted her to be. And so there is where she fell asleep. In a dark corner of her room, legs huddled to her face, tears streaming from her eyes. She fell into a struggled slumber, oblivious of the dark figure who watched her with concerned eyes, and cursed himself for the pain he caused his beloved princess.  
  
Bitter lies.   
  
So many bitter lies.  
  
Oh what a tangled web we weave  
  
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YAY! I'm done with that. Please review. I'm trying my best to be a good writer. This is the first thing I've ever written and it's hard for me to jot down things correctly. I really love to listen to comments and would like to get some soon. *pleads* You can contact me at SilverRose07@aol.com. Feel free to IM me ANYTIME.   
  
Next: Serena must get herself together. It's time to live on. But will Darien ever be able to face her. Can she ever confront Darien? I don't know I have to write it to find out myself. LOL.  
  
Later Days.  
  
~Belle~ 


	3. To Live Again Phase One

Author's notes: Ok, here goes another chapter. I am sooo sorry if this sucks! I'm having total writer's block all of a sudden. But I finally came up with a next chapter... I'm not very organized.. Can ya tell? I should have my plots all written down but laziness got to me. My plan is to add the Scouts in a one by one manner.. But I'm gonna start off with good old Raye. Hope you guys enjoy it just a *little* bit. Enough yada yada yada... I present to you... your dinner. Lol. Needed to say that.. I Present to you Chapter 3. Oh my god!  
  
Disclaimer: I'm poor. I think *that* should explain it all.  
  
Decisions of the Heart  
  
Chapter 2  
  
Author:~Belle~  
  
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A tall petite, raven haired girl stood outside the Tsukino residence. She looked onto the house she usually visited with joy, which now held an almost gloomy feeling to it. She sighed as she thought of the girl who resided in it. How could such joy disappear so darn quickly?   
  
It might not appear like it sometimes, but she loved her Princess more than anyone could imagine. And she only treated Serena the harsh way that she did because she wanted to make Serena stronger. Maybe she didn't do it in the right way, but it was the only way she knew how to. Serena had brought so much light into her life, and her goal to strengthen her was the only way she could think of to repay her. But today, she had a mission. In a similar way that the other scouts did, she had a bond with Serena. And late at night she would cry in distress as she felt her Princess's agony. And today she would repay Serena the right way, she would give Serena the shoulder to cry on that she so badly deserved. Serena did *not* deserve what she had gotten from Darien. And if Raye didn't know any better she'd go and beat the damn mother *(rated R)* into a bloody pulp. But that was a deed that would have to remain undone.   
  
She still couldn't understand how Darien could leave Serena. How *anyone* could NOT love her? She radiated so much life and happiness that you often saw the smiling faces she left behind on her trail. Darien was a fool. He always had been. He was oblivious to the good things right in front of him. True, she herself had loved him at one time. But *that* was besides the point. How could he just abandon her like that? What about his vow of love during the silver millennium? Damn it! Serena had died for the bastard. And THIS was the thanks she got?! BUM! After all she had done for the guy and he just brushed her aside....  
  
But still, Raye couldn't help but wonder, What exactly had gone wrong? They seemed happy one day, holding hands and doing all that lovey-dovey things couples do. And then the next day, hearts were shattered and vows were broken. What really could have caused Darien to do such a thing? You can't just stop loving a person over night. And Raye often caught glimpses of worry in his eyes when they mentioned Serena at the Crown Arcade. For Serena has not been out of her house in days since the breakup. The darn breakup. She was dying to know what could have caused it. She knew Darien still loved Serena...he HAD to. Didn't he?   
  
She stood there lost in her own thoughts at the front of the door for God knows how long, when the door was suddenly opened by a middle-aged woman. The woman looked concerned and sorrowful, but her eyes lit up in hope as she saw Raye, Serena's best friend standing in front of the door. She just knew that Raye could cheer up Serena. Serena's pain had not gone unseen by her mother. As all mothers do, Ilene knew it HAD to do with a boy. What other reason was there for Serena being locked up in her room? She often heard Serena cry at night and was thankful that her father Kenji was away on a business trip. Kenji for sure would have brought out his favorite shotgun and killed the boy who caused his daughter such misery.  She wished she could comfort her daughter like all mothers should, but Serena was so full of secrets. Ever since last year she had become a total stranger to her mother. She would run off not saying where she was going, and she often saw Serena sneak into the house in  the middle of the nights. She didn't punish her for it because she had a feeling that what her daughter did was important. But only God knows what a fourteen-year-old could do at night that was SO important.   
  
"Come in Raye, Serena's in her room. Make yourself at home," Ilene said as she excused herself to the kitchen, leaving Raye standing in the living room by herself.  
  
Raye walked to the edge of the stairs and looked up at the steps that seemed endless. She sighed, 'Here it goes' she thought. She climbed the stairs all the while looking at pictures and memories she and Serena had made together. She could still remember the first time Serena had invited her over on a sleep over. Raye had never had any friends and Serena had befriended her even though she was so mean to her. Serena had looked through the cold exterior Raye put on daily and seen the girl she was inside. Raye thought all this while absentmindedly walking up the stairs. She suddenly was at Serena's door. She didn't even had to knock because the door was slightly open. Raye gave it a gentle push and it creaked completely open. The sight that she witnessed before her made her heart ache and her eyes water.   
  
There on the edge of the window sat Serena, her beauty basking in all its glory with the sunlight. The only thing that broke the serene picture that was Serena were the silent tears flowing from her light sapphire eyes. Serena sat there, staring beyond her window, taking in the outside world, but not oblivious to Raye's entrance.   
  
"Funny, how the kids wake up every morning and there only thoughts are how to win that days tag game. There out there blind to all the evils of this world. For them the sun comes out everyday, and there's no reason to question why? To little Timmy, Susan is just the cute next door neighbor and there's nothing more to it. They're so naive, and I find myself so badly wanting to be one of them."  
  
"They'll grow up  one day too, Serena. They'll grow up and they'll cry. They'll fall in love. Their hearts will be shattered many times as well. But they'll live through it. Everyone lives through it. It's all a part of growing up. But you have to learn to move on."  
  
Serena ignored her wise words and continued, "You know, little Timmy came out of his house today and knocked on Susan's door. She came out and she grabbed his hand and started playing. Timmy accidentally knocked Susan over. All it took was a simple I'm sorry and she forgave him. It's been a long time since a simple 'I'm sorry' was good enough for one of us. Why is that? Why is it that growing up means seeing things in DARK-shaded glasses? Friendships to them is just playing together. Love to them is just child's play. To them pain is when you fall and scrape your knee. What would it be like if one day they saw my true pain?"  
  
"Serena, you had your chance. You were once one of them. Someone just like you, looked upon your youth in the same envious way. Someone was hurting while you were laughing. It's a cycle that makes the world continue to go round. Leave little Susan to her childhood delusions.  Leave Little Timmy to his clueless dreams. And wake up and keep living YOUR life."  
  
"MY life is no longer worth living." The sentence was barely more than a mere whisper. At this, Serena finally turned around to look Raye straight in the eye.   
  
"Damn it, Raye! Timmy and Susan haven't lost their SOUL MATE! They haven't had the other half of them torn off, like a mother tears a bandage off a wound. Tearing off the bandage does NOT make the pain any less, it makes it HURT MORE! I am not like them! I was never normal. You can't just come in here and tell me that I have to move on. That this is part of life. Can you truly tell me that I am like them? That it's NORMAL for a millennium's love to die overnight?"  
  
"NO. It's not normal. It's not normal at all. But.....but at least we still love you. Our love will NEVER die. I...I know that's not enough... but in time... in time we'll help you mend...I promise. All we need is for you to smile again. I know what Darien did was wrong and something in my gut tells me his words weren't true. But until we figure this out what do you say to an extra large chocolate milkshake...?"  
  
Serena managed a weak smile at this. Life would have to continue....for now. But the back of her conscious still kept laughing at the thought of moving on, 'You'll never move on,' it said. 'You'll soon die without him.' Serena forcefully pushed the thought away until later. Until her sorrows could be once again masked in darkness. She would be strong for Raye; she needed her to be strong. She would try to not make Raye's attempts in vain. Time to wake up and smell the coffee. 'Hmm.. You haven't eaten for days..'  
  
"All right, let's go. But you pay," Serena said, half enthusiastically. Raye gave a small grin at this.  
  
'The old Serena will be back soon,' Raye thought happily.   
  
A few minutes later they walked out of the Tsukino residence together. They walked silently to the Crown Arcade, and Serena took a deep breath before entering. She took out her right hand and pushed the door weakly. At the sound of the bells a raven-haired man turned around to look at the newcomer. What he saw made him shudder to the spine. And what Serena saw made her eyes fill with tears, for she truly had not expected it. Dark blue eyes locked with light blue.  
  
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Ok here goes my thankees:   
  
NightSiren/chanp - Why thank you very much for the compliment. Lol.. I don't like reading cliffhangers myself.. But I sure do love to write them. Sorry for the inconvenience. Next time I do that you can beat into a bloody pulp.. Oh wait never mind. I did that again in this chapter.. Dot, dot.  
  
Stargazer75- I try my best to be a good writer. I can't wait until you come out with your own fanfic. I'm sure its going to be awesome. Also, I like your username. Hope you enjoyed this chapter.  
  
Saria- I am continuing. It's all thanx to reviewers like you. So don't hesitate to click the little review button on the bottom.  
  
Serena- Lol. I am updating. Don't gotta beg... although it does help quite a bit. I'll try to keep updating ASAP!  
  
Lisa4- Well, hello editor person you. Considering you edit my stories, I'd thank you for the compliment anywayz. *sweatdrop* You read my installments before anyone else does so... yeah. THANX AGAIN FOR EVERYTHING.  
  
Fallen Dragon- I'm glad you like my story so far. Keep reading please.  
  
Katie- I'm glad you like where this story is going. I'm trying to make this a Serena fights for herself sorta thing as well but it's a fighting for love sorta thing as well....actually I don't really know where this is going, but I won't disappoint you. Thanx for calling my description beautiful.   
  
Desiree Muller- Well, I wonder who you are? How do you know where I live.. Hmm... *ponders* Oh wait, aren't you like one of my best friends? Yeah I think so. Duh! The figure watching with concerned eyes is Darien. Who did you think it was.. Diamond?? *shudders* That's a creepy stalker dude. Anywayz, glad you liked my story. Keep reading and reviewing and get your DBZ story out already.   
  
Joanna Acosta- Hey Jojo mojo. I'm glad you enjoyed my story and don't worry there will be a happily every after. There always will be. Umm...am I giving away my end? Nah! This IS NOT THE STORY OF YOUR LIFE. You live a happy life.. Or I'll MAKE you live one! *glare*   
  
Greg- THANKEES very much! I'm glad you enjoyed my story. And life IS like a soap opera anywayz! Don't feel dumb about now knowing there were two chapters.. I didn't know how to find other chapter at first either.  
  
Super Sailor Usagi- I will keep it up!!! Thanx!  
  
Ryan- Sailor Moon is not blonde. Appreciate the nice things in life. And thanx for saying there's a writing side in me. Who would of thunk it right???  
  
Mercedes- Umm.. DON'T CRY! Crying is bad! I'm trying to make my chapters less depressing. Although I seem to be addicted to depressing right now. Review! Thanx for liking it. Although if you didn't like it I'd have to beat you! Lol *grin*  
  
Bunnychu- Thank you! I will keep it up! Keep reading Por Favor!  
  
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Author's Notes again: Oh my god... that sucked! I'm so mad at myself. *stabs self with a fork* I am truly, truly sorry. I'll try to do better in the next chapter. Thanx to Lisa again for managing to salvage SOME of the story. Also, I LOVE YOU ALL FOR REVIEWING!!! It means the world to me that someone out there is actually reading. But I don't mind if you review again, seriously I DON'T! You can even tell me this sux and I wouldn't mind. Umm but please don't. Has anyone noticed my author's notes are longer than the actual story. Ok I'll shut up. Until next Time.. ADO!   
  
Next: What will happen during this confrontation? Will Serena run or face her demons? Will Darien finally break to his love for Serena? DUN, DUN, DUN... im gay.. No kidding.. I meant like retarded.. Dot, dot.  
  
~Belle (SilverRose07@aol.com)~ 


	4. Dreams Phase Two Begins

Author's Notes: I'm so sorry!!!!!! I haven't updated in liked four or five weeks!!! I've been so busy. High School sucks. Too much work and brain will soon go into overload.... but that doesn't excuse my lack of responsibility. I blame it on..... anyone but me. Ok so yeah I talk a lot, here's chapter 3.   
  
Also, I realize that in my last chapter I put tall, petite and that doesn't make sense. So I meant tall and skinny. Alright, please correct me if you see anything else wrong. I'm only human. Alright so here comes Mina!!! WOOT WOOT! Read and Review please!  
  
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Decisions of the Heart  
  
Chapter 3  
  
Author:~Belle~  
  
*She took out her right hand and pushed the door weakly. At the sound of the bells a raven-haired man turned around to look at the newcomer. What he saw made him shudder to the spine. And what Serena saw made her eyes water, for she truly had not expected it. Dark blue eyes locked with Light blue.*  
  
Darien saw Serena come in and he cursed his luck for being at the Arcade at the same time Serena had decided to finally come out of hiding. But a part of him was overjoyed, he missed Serena so darn much! He had missed seeing her light blue eyes shine and her melodious voice giggle at anything even slightly amusing. Serena...... only God knew how much he wanted to hug her and kiss her until the end of time. Serena, the girl who had once been HIS Serena. Damn those dreams, damn those nightmares!!! If anyone knew how many times he had intended on trying to stay awake so that he wouldn't have to dream them. If anyone knew how much he had tried avoiding having to end his relationship with Serena. If anyone knew how much he has hurt while watching Serena die in his arms over and over again in his dreams. The dreams that filled him with terror and dread. Oh, if only SERENA knew....  
  
In his dreams Darien was the happiest man on Earth. No one could have been luckier than him. He could clearly see Serena walking down an aisle looking more radiant than she had ever been. Serena wearing a white gown, simple yet elegant. Her face lit up at the sight of him and he could always count the seconds before she would extend her hand to reach his. He could still feel the warmth that would engulf him as soon as his skin made contact with hers. The way everything seized to exist and it was only her and him. He could still remember his thoughts as the priest said "'Till death do you part", 'Til Death and an eternity beyond that' he would whisper. He always remembered how Serena would utter her vows in her sweet, innocent way and say, " I do" and how everything in his world finally made since. Everything would come together, everything would finally be perfect. For he was with the woman he loved most in the world. He could still remember how nothing could come in between his happiness and then all of a sudden before he could utter the words, "I do," the ground would ripe open and take Serena with it. He still clearly heard Serena's terrible screams and hear her uttering her very last words, "Darien!" before she fell into the dark abyss. Oh yes Darien could remember it all. How could he forget? Even after he broke up with Serena, the dreams still persisted. He always helplessly watched as his life turned bitter and cold when his only love died. How once again the loneliness engulfed him. Oh yes, Darien would avoid "that" at all cost. No matter how much he loved her, he refused to watch her die. Watch her die because of HIM. He kept reminding himself that he didn't deserve her to begin with. She deserved so much better. She shouldn't cry for him, no one should.  
  
Neither Serena nor Darien dared take their gaze off each other. Serena couldn't take it much longer. She could feel his eyes bore into her soul, the way it always did. She mentally reproached her heart for beating so fast. She thought that at any minute her heart would pop out for all to see. She pictured everyone seeing how broken up it was, how hollow it had become. She didn't want any pity from anyone, she didn't want anyone to feel concerned. And she helplessly watched as Darien finally registered the emptiness in her eyes. The bloodshot look they had. Serena had obviously cried for MANY nights. And she distinctly watched a hint of worry cross over his eyes soon to be replaced by coldness. She made a move to exit the arcade but a hand suddenly seized her wrist.   
  
Mina had sat watching the encounter since the very beginning. She had sensed Serena's presence nearby. And the jingle of the bell finally proved her instinct right as she saw her princess walk into the arcade. Her eyes lit up in joy as she saw Raye walk in right behind her. Raye had accomplished, Operation 'Get Serena back' phase One! Mina was left slightly breathless as she felt the strong explosion of joy appear in the area of the arcade. She looked around to see who could be so happy that such aura radiated from them. It had to be someone near by because her powers as Princess of Love had not yet advanced enough to sense far away emotions. She desperately looked but all she saw was Darien, Serena, Andrew, and Raye. A devilish grin contorted her face, as she realized just where it had come from. 'So Darien, your happy to see Serena, eh? Well, your face doesn't show it. Hmm.. A little boy is being naughty and hiding his feelings.' She watched as Darien hopelessly tried to make his face seem cold and distant. She switched her gaze on Serena who obviously thought that the face was truly a display of his true feelings. She feebly watched as Serena made a turn to exit, and that was her cue! She sprang from her chair, in a wild leap of strength and was able to grab Serena by the wrist. 'Oh no Serena. Your not escaping from me!' she wondered. Two eyes stared intently into each other. One pleading with the other. And the battle of the stares continued.  
  
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Author's Notes: I'm sorry yall. I know that was not my *best* chapter but adding the characters is sort of harder than I thought and I'm rethinking my plan of adding all of them in different chapters. I might just do Lita and Amy in one chapter and get on with the support issue and move to some juicy stuff with Darien and Serena. I'd really appreciate it if you guys commented on what you think I should do. Do you guys want some detailed chapters on just one scout or is it ok if I get on with it and hurry to the romance??? COMMENT!!! To do that you must REVIEW!!! So hopefully I have enough reviews to know what to do for the next chappie. Expect it out in a week or two. ^_^ Sorry this was so short, my author's notes are longer than the STORY!  
  
~Belle~ 


	5. Sorrows and Milkshakes?

Author's Notes: Yes, I know!!! I know, this chapter took forever to get out!! I mean FOREVER!! I'm really really sorry, I just haven't felt up to the whole writing thing... I know that's a lie too!!!! I was just working on my other story (Loving You is So Much Better and GoodBye to You).I know I said it would be out in a week or two, umm but I truly meant like 2 or 3 months lol. I promise the other one will be out in 3 weeks hopefully, its just my other stories need attention too.  Ok.. Well here goes. I'm sure half of you have already forgotten what this story is about.. Thanks for all the wonderful reviews by the way!!! Here goes.. Chapter 5.  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own anything related to Sailor Moon. In fact, I don't own anything that has to do with anything. So there.  
  
Decisions of the Heart  
  
Chapter 5  
  
Author: ~Belle~  
  
SilverRose07@aol.com  
  
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    The silence was unbearable. It cut through Serena like an invisible, sharp-edged knife that wounded its victim. Serena slowly moved her gaze from Mina's blue eyes to her captured wrist. Was there really nowhere else to run to? Was it truly time to face the music? Maybe they were doing it for the better. Shouldn't she be elated to have friends like hers? Friends who obviously...hopefully loved her. They wanted to help her.  They always needed to help her. She was so mad at herself. Whether in the fights with the Negaverse or all of her emotional dilemmas, they were there to catch her falls. She was the weakling among all of them and she hated it. Serena hated it so much, she hated herself along with it. She wished she could be thankful, but she wasn't.  
  
     She had a strong urge to slap Mina's hand away and run far, far away. The words "let go" were at the tip of her tongue, but when she saw Mina's pleading look and her whispered "please" she couldn't help but let a tear escape her eyes. The tear held so much emotion that it caused her to tremble. It slid down her smooth, pale skin and dropped onto Mina's hand, the one holding her prisoner in the Crown Arcade.   
  
     Serena could take it no longer. Everything had piled up on her. She had been trying so hard to be on time to meetings, training so hard to be a better fighter. She'd been making steady progress until Darien dumped her. It was then she realized that she could never change. It was too much, too much for her to take, probably for anyone to take.   
  
     Serena then did something she would never truly believe. Right there, in front of Darien, Andrew, Raye, and anyone else who had entered...she crushed her body with Mina's and captured her in a tight, breath-taking hug. She hugged Mina as if she were the only thing keeping her on this earth, as if Mina was the only reality in the harsh world she lived in. Mina was the lifeline to this girl lost at sea, a girl choking, drowning. Mina was slowly pulling her to shore.   
  
       She cried crystal tears for all to see. She didn't care, at least not at that moment. She did not cry silent tears like she had forced herself to do for so long, but loud, sobbing cries, sounds that allowed everyone to see the deep pain inside her tattered heart. It was the sound of a babe missing its mother, of a wife mourning the death of her husband, and of a girl desperately holding onto hope and life. She was a wounded animal who had been left alone for far too long, and others had finally come to help her cure.  
  
       Mina was at first taken by surprise by the sudden force that was thrown at her, but then she did the only thing she could. She hugged Serena back with all the love she could muster. She rocked Serena back and forth and whispered sweet nothings inside her ear. She rubbed Serena's back as if she were a weeping child, trying to calm her shaking body.   
  
       "It's gonna be ok, it's gonna be ok," she repeated over and over again, for  both the both of them. She was afraid that if she took her arms away from Serena's body she would fall; she knew she was the only thing holding her up.  Slowly, Serena's cries became smaller and smaller and she just hugged Mina. Held tight, so very tight, afraid that letting go would mean finally moving on. She wasn't ready to do that just yet, not just yet. 'In and out Serena, in and out,' she kept repeating in her mind. 'Breathe...just breathe.'  
  
       The world suddenly came into perspective in Serena's eyes and she finally registered what she had done. She had made her feelings and hurt a public display for all to see. What would everyone think now? She had once again failed at being strong for them. She was always failing, always needing the comfort and love of others. She didn't even dare risk a glance at Darien; she already knew what she would see...a look of disdain and disgust. She had just displayed what she thought was the reason he left. Oh God, she was an embarrassment to everyone! As if sensing Serena's feelings, Mina pulled Serena out of their embrace and spoke in a clear, determined voice.  
  
       "No! No, Serena. No, no, no, no, no! Quit degrading yourself. We all owe you so much. So very much, Serena. And no one, absolutely no one should make you think otherwise. So stop it. Stop it right now. That stupid excuse for a man knows it. You bet my life he knows it. And he'll spend the rest of his life regretting it. But you sweetie, you have nothing to regret. You know why?" Serena shook her head and desperately tried to believe that she made a difference in their lives. That she in fact was anything BUT a burden.   
  
       "Because you gave him all that love in your heart and you never held back. Not once! And by Gods, it was more than enough! More than enough!!"   
  
       And as if Serena would still not understand, she shook her for emphasis. Mina stared at Serena and laughed at the lost look at her eyes, the look of a kid who was taught that 2+2=4 and was finally remembering! 2+2=4!!!!!! She then proceeded to do something even MORE unbelievable. Serena steadily walked towards a nearby table where a full glass of chocolate milkshake lay. She picked it up in her hands and as though in a trance, or perhaps mission, walked toward where Darien sat.   
  
       Inside she was going insane. 'Where is this courage coming from??' It seemed her legs were moving all by themselves, taking control of the situation and doing something they've wanted to do for far too long. They came to a halt in front of him and her nerves started getting the best of her but Serena quickly squashed them. 'This is my moment!' she all but yelled to herself. She looked into his dark blue eyes, the color of a black night and realized she had not been this close to him in far too long. She longed to extend her hand and caress his cheek but she seriously did not need any further embarrassment.   
  
       Darien watched Serena longingly. She was so close to him. She had not stood this close to him in far too long. He could smell her sweet vanilla scent; it invaded his head. She looked so beautiful, her eyes still slightly puffy, but a fierce determination burning in them, which he loved. He fought hard with himself not to reach out and touch her skin. Not to put his hands on those beautiful lips that once use to be his. Could it be that he'd never capture the strawberry taste that lingered inside those lips?  
  
       'Wait a minute, why is she looking at me like that?' he thought. If looks could kill, Darien would be buried six feet under by now. Serena stood in front of Darien and said the words that would free her and ruin him.   
  
"I was more than enough."   
  
'Of course you were, Serena. You were more than I ever dared to ask for. More than I ever dared dream of. I'm so sorry! So sorry! I love you. I love you a million times,' Darien longed to tell her. He yearned to shout that he couldn't stand seeing her cry every night for him. That he watched her only so that his tears could match hers, that she was not alone in the pain. That he forced himself to cry and cry because it wasn't fair that his angel felt such sorrow. Of course, Darien didn't have too much time to reminisce about that too long because he suddenly felt very slimy. Very, VERY slimy.   
  
       During his short trip to "dream" world, Serena had done something with her milkshake. It was anything but drinking, in fact, the milkshake was nowhere near the cup nor her mouth. Darien's head was dripping with the chocolate contents and his clothes were soaked with it as well. As if trying to add hurt to injury, Serena very sweetly handed him the cup. There were many audible gasps in the arcade, and Serena decided that laughing hysterically was the way to go. Her body shacked with giggles.   
  
       She turned to the girls and laughed even louder at their stricken faces. There were no longer two girls in the arcade but four. Somewhere in between the walking and the pouring, Ami and Lita had entered. The looks on their faces made Serena want to blow up from laughter. They looked thoroughly confused, like students in an Algebra II class who had absolutely no idea what that teacher was talking about. It didn't take long for Lita to see Darien's chocolate covered head and his surprised expression before she joined Serena. Soon all the girls had joined Serena, all delighting in the sound of Serena's  laughter. They had not heard her laugh in a long time and they couldn't be more delighted.   
  
       Serena quickly moved away from Darien, deciding that it was better to leave him while he was still in shock. Only God knew what his pride would do if she stayed to feel its wrath.  Still laughing she headed toward the door to exit, the girls closely behind her.  
  
       "Come on girls. I suddenly feel like strolling the park." They all nodded at the customers and Andrew who had a wicked, WICKED grin on his face. Oh boy, Darien would get made fun of for a long time to come. As they walked out the door Darien who had finally registered what the heck had just happened heard Serena comment something that made his ego deflate some more: "He always said he LOVED chocolate," which was quickly followed by sounds of more laughter, if that were at all possible.   
  
       Outside Serena looked toward the sky, seeing a flock of birds and beautiful clouds underneath a bright sun. It was definitely getting better. And she had her friends to thank. Always her friends. She looked toward the sky and whispered, "Thank you, mom. Thank you for them." The birds fluttered in the sky, and Serena knew her mother had heard her.   
  
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Author's Notes: Ehh...... ::looks around:: .....Sorry??? This is my weak attempt at trying to get back into gear. Did it work??? Hopefully. My next chapter SHOULD be out in about 3 weeks. Im hoping to make the chapters longer for yall. Ok, well. Sorry again! Review to tell me how good/bad it was. Be gentle with me please lol. Well thanks for the support on my previous chapters!!! Sayonara!  
  
~Belle~ 


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